Paint It Black
by pinkdragon
Summary: *COMPLETE* This is a song fic. VERY AU. Severus loses the love of his life and is changed forever.
1. Red Door

A/N: *** **denotes thought; **** denotes song lyric

"Password?" demanded the Fat Lady.

"Er. . . whomping willow."

"Very well," the Fat Lady smiled and swung open.

The boy entered the portrait hole quickly as Snape followed close behind. Hey, Potter wasn't the only one at Hogwarts who owned an invisibility cloak. Snape carefully followed the boy into the Gryffindor Common Room. He forced himself to suppress a growl. Everything was colored in rich earthy tones. Two girls were sitting on a deep burgundy leather sofa, giggling amongst themselves. *What could they possibly find funny at a time like _this_?* He took a mental note of the rich colors. *Do they mock this grim time? Everything should be black!*

He rolled his eyes at the thought as he began approaching the stairs up to the rooms. He began ascending the stairs when a thought came to him. *I wonder what a Gryffindor prefect room even _looks_ like.* No sooner had he finished the thought than he came upon a door of a strong crimson hue. His heart skipped a beat as he reached for the knob. I see a red door and I want to paint it black

*Locked!* He immediately reached for his wand. "Alohamora," he whispered and slowly entered the room.

He could have gasped at what he beheld. Her room was a beautiful lavender with touches of pink, yellow, and green found in trinkets and pictures. Closing and locking the door behind him, he drew off his invisibility cloak. This wasn't such a good idea, he learned, however late. A ginger cat lay upon her bed, patiently awaiting its master's return. It stirred as Snape crossed the room; and, when it saw him, it began to hiss and growl. Snape reached into his robe and pulled out a smelly sardine that he'd carefully injected with sleeping potion. Glad to finally be rid of it, he tossed it at the cat who accepted the offering eagerly.

Snape crept over to her bed. He scooped the cat up and placed it on the floor. He then obliged himself to a seat on the bed. There, on here nightstand, was a beautiful picture of her dressed as a fairy draped in pink. The very gown she'd worn as a Halloween costume her first year. *Stupid muggle traditions.* He almost smiled to himself but thought better of it. *These colors, so bright and cheerful, hurt too much.* No colors anymore, I want them to turn black.

He set the picture back down and came across her prefect's badge.

----**FLASHBACK**----

Snape walked outside and sat down on the bench beside her.

"Lovely day, isn't it?" He said.

She stared at him curiously for a moment and then giggled a bit. "It's dreadful cold, Severus, and this is the first that the rain has let up all day."

"Oh," he knew she'd never understand his strange taste in weather. Still, it was peculiarly cold for an early summer day. "I rather like the rain, actually."

"Yeah, I guess if you really think about it, the rain cleanses everything."

He sighed; this was so difficult. "I haven't seen your prefect's badge yet. Could I have a closer look?" He'd never bothered to notice anyone's prefect badge. He was stalling.

"Yeah, sure," she unpinned it from her robes and handed it to him.

Snape examined it: it was maroon and there were gold stitchings of a lion and the words "Gryffindor Prefect." Snape smiled to himself. It was simple, yet beautiful and delicate, much like her own unique nature.

"I love you," he finally said, returning the badge.

"Severus--"

He held up his hand in protest. "Please, you don't have to like it. I only wanted to tell you in case something happened and it couldn't be said later."

"Severus, what do you mean? What's going on?"

He shrugged, but he knew exactly what was going on. "You can't hide forever, Severus," Voldemort had said. "I know exactly what you've been doing, and you're going to pay. Your whole world will be painted black."

"Let me just hold you now and not worry about later," *because I'll be dead soon.* He finally said as took her hands in his, knowing that more affection would be too much. "Don't worry, if Potter finds us, I'll tell him that I am simply helping you with a hand-warming spell."

She smiled shyly to herself.

Snape snapped back to the present when he heard noises outside the door. Quickly pulling the cloak back on, he headed towards the door. He opened it cautiously and looked out. There were two girls walking by. Snape had to bite his tongue when he noticed that one girl wore a sundress similar to the fairy ensemble in the photograph. He forced himself to stare at the floor. I see the girls walk by, dressed in their summer clothes. I have to turn my head until my darkness goes.

After they passed, Snape let himself out and left Gryffindor House the same way he came. *If only I could have her with me now. I'd hold her in my arms and make passionate love to her _just_ to show Potter that he didn't own her.* He returned to his room in the dungeons where he spent a sleepless night dreading the day before him.


	2. The Funeral

I see a line of cars and they're all painted black with flowers and my love both never to come back

Snape, once again concealed under his invisibility cloak, followed the funeral procession to the cemetery. This was her muggle funeral, where he knew there were few wizards welcome, among them: Potter. He didn't care. He no longer regarded anyone's opinions other than Dumbledore's.

Her grave was to be under a tree, near a lake. All had gathered there, waiting for the last words from the minister.

"Several years ago, this lovely young lady confided in me that she'd want the following Sonnet read when this day came:

'No longer mourn for me when I am gone

Than you shall hear the surly sullen bell

Give warning to the world that I have fled

From this vile world, with vilest worms to dwell;

Nay, if you read this line, remember not

The hand that writ it; for I love you so,

That I in your sweet thoughts would be forgot,

If thinking on me then should make you woe.

O, if (I say) you look upon this verse,

When I perhaps compounded am with clay,

Do not so much as my poor name rehearse;

But let your love even with my life decay:

Lest the wise world should look into your moan,

And mock you with me after I am gone.' "

Snape had been glaring at Potter the entire time. He was standing near her parents who handed him a baby. Ah, her little brother, he thought, remembering all the times he's seen here with pictures of him. She'd carried one everywhere she went. Potter looked quite at home amongst her family, especially her little brother. Snape couldn't help but sneer.

As the minister finished the sonnet, several people began throwing white lilies onto her casket. One woman stopped abruptly, staring at Snape.

"Look over there," she whispered to her friend. "That looks like one of her . . . _schoolmates_. I thought they were having their _own _ceremony tonight. Her parental didn't want them near her body and I certainly don't blame them. I can't believe this one had the nerve to even show up." Noticing that Snape was glaring at her, she stopped speaking and immediately moved her stare.

I see people turn their heads and quickly look away. Like a newborn baby, it just happens every day.

Soon after the burial, people quickly began filing out. Snape growled at himself: Potter had remained. And, it appeared he was approaching him, still clutching the baby.

"You're not welcome here, nape. I'm on to you. I know your hand was in on this. Don't show your face at the service tonight either."

"Or what?"

"Do you want everyone to know you're in love with a Gryffindor mudblood? Your precious Slytherins? Or would you rather everyone know about your involvement with Voldemort?"

Snape frowned, "Where I go, Potter, is of no concern to you. Fortunately for you, however, I had not intended to attend the service tonight. And I honestly don't know what sort of potions you've been on, but I assure you that I am neither involved with Voldemort nor in love with _anyone_."

"Good, I don't want you ruining it." He brushed past him.

Something very peculiar caught Snape's ear: "That mean old man will disgrace your mother with his presence no longer. We'll come back up here tonight to have some time alone with her."

*Potter . . . that boy . . . that was their _son_.* Snape was putting the pieces together in his head. He didn't say anything to Potter, not yet. Later would be better.

Snape slowly approached her grave as he watched Potter walk out of view. "Here lies she who loved all," was all her gravestone read.

"It appears no one approves of my love for you. Potter doesn't want you near you and Voldemort . . . oh, what you must think!" He stifled a cry. "I swear to you . . . those threats . . . I thought they were for me. Had I known . . . I love you more than my life has ever been worth to me." He sighed. "I swear to you, I'll never love anyone again. No one. No more. Voldemort was right: my world is black now." I look inside myself and see my heart is black.

"I, uh, forgot to bring you something. I'll bring it back to you tonight." He mounted his broom and began the long flight back to Hogwarts.

A/N: I'm not talented enough to write a sonnet, let alone one in iambic pentameter. The one featured in this story belongs to the Immortal Bard. Shakespeare's sonnet number 70.


	3. Fade Away

Snape once again found himself sneaking into Gryffindor house, following the stairs to her room.

I see my red door and it has been painted black.

*Who?* he thought. Then he heard tiny whispers coming from inside. The door creaked open slowly.

"Severus," the voice hissed, "come to me."

Alas, Snape no longer had to speculate the voice's origin. As he could do nothing but obey his dark master, he entered the room. The door closed him in quickly. Voldemort stood near the bed. "Sit," he commanded. And Snape obeyed again.

"Do not look so grave, young one. I did this for you. The sooner you learn that love is poison to any dark wizard, the better."

Snape was clenching his fists and glaring at him.

"There, there, now. You know as well as I that the girl preferred Potter to you. It is better this way, you see. Your love and pain will now turn into hatred and this will make you stronger to serve me. Just let the blackness take you. It is easier not to fight. Forget pain. Cast off regret; learn to hate."

Snape closed his eyes. Maybe then I'll fade away and not have to face the facts. It's not easy facing up when your whole world is black.

"Now, I believe there is something you wish to ask of me."

Snape slowly looked up at his master. "I want Potter dead."

Voldemort looked delighted. "And?"

"There's a child. A son. Theirs."

"Very good, Severus. It will be done as soon as I can find them alone."

Snape heaved a long sigh. "They're going back to the cemetery. Tonight."

Voldemort smiled drawing his cloak about him. "You are a true servant now, Severus." He then vanished.


	4. The End and the Beginning

Snape found himself at her grave well before dark. He smiled as he beheld the small lake. She loved beaches, she had told him so. Snape himself had never seen the ocean. It was his secret wish to go there some day with her.

No more will my green sea go turn a deeper blue. I could not foresee this thing happening to you.

*Why not me? Because Voldemort has a special plan for my suffering. Soon, it will all end. Potter will be dead, I will graduate, and I will be out on my own. By myself. I never want to think about another human being so long as I live.*

The day seemed to be growing cooler. Snape looked over at the sun settling into the horizon.

If I look hard enough into the setting sun, my love will laugh with me until the morning comes.

He could let himself have these delusions no longer. Soon, he felt hatred rising in him. *I will never see her again.* "To hell with this world. I hate it all. I wanted to see it painted black, black as night, black as coal. I wanna see the sun blotted out form the sky!" He was screaming at the heavens.

The earth then began to quake violently. The sun vanished as if it were the flame of a candle being snuffed out.

*It's beginning.* Severus felt the first bit of happiness to come over him in a long time. He drew on his cloak as Potter crept towards the grave, holding his son. He knelt before the grave and stood the boy beside him.

Voldemort appeared suddenly behind the pair. "Ah, the Potter family, reunited for all eternity."

Quickly, Potter spun around and reached for his wand. It was a vain attempt, for Voldemort had already screeched "Expelliarmus!" and shoved past him. He eagerly approached the baby that was now staring up at him curiously. "They say that an infant's blood extends the life of a dark wizard for centuries." The baby began slowly backing away from Voldemort. With little effort, he placed a full body bond on the child to prevent his escape. He closed his eyes and began muttering the Avada Kedavra curse, but as he reached for his wand, Potter came to. Voldemort aimed for the child and Potter dove in front of his son and simultaneously a spirit sprung from the grave and stood before her child. The curse killed Potter, went through the spirit, and bounced off the child. The Avada Kedavra curse ricoched back to Voldemort, who screamed and cursed and finally shriveled into nothing.

Snape stared in astonishment. He walked over to what was left of his master. Voices seemed to be coming form far off. "Is that you, Lord Voldemort?" He was searching in all directions for the source of the voice. He saw only Dumbledore, Professor MacGonogall, and Hagrid all running towards the scene. Snape disappeared behind his cloak.

They reached the grave in shock. "My goodness!" MacGonogall exclaimed. "Albus, how could you have known?"

"If I had known, Minerva, I would have been here to prevent this tragedy. I only had a hunch."

Hagrid was examining the pile of robes. "These're quite strange, sir. Maybe yeh shoul give 'em a look."

"No need, Hagrid, they belong to Voldemort."

McGonogall was picking up the baby. "Maybe we should return him to the girl's parents." She handed him to Dumbledore, who recited the body bond countercurse.

"I'm afraid the Dark Lord visited them before he came here," he sighed."

"I believe she has an older sister who lives just outside of London," Macgonogall said.

"Let us go, then. It won't be long before the Death Eaters arrive to mourn." They all left at that.

Snape crept out from his hiding place. "This is for you, Lily." He dropped a black rose onto her grave. Knowing not what else to say, he too departed from the cemetery.


End file.
